Attract Your Perfect Relationship

Posts Tagged ‘values’

Boost their Ego 1
There aren’t many of us who don’t enjoy a good ego boost. And clever communicators know that people are more responsive when they’re in a good mood. The gentle art of ego-boosting is a very powerful tool.

Celebrate Good News

Attractive communicators react positively to other people’s good news. They also know how to lead people away from gloom towards possibilities. How about you? Do you help people to see through the clouds to the sun?
When attractive communicators spot a good news boat, they jump on board and join in the celebrations. Superlative words and phrases like ‘Wow!’, ‘Splendid!’, ‘Excellent!’ or ‘That’s amazing!’, ‘Well done, you’, ‘You’re so talented, clever, smart…’ roll off their tongues. They are physically expressive and may jump up and down or clap their hands or open their faces wide. They may touch you in some way – patting your back, placing a hand on your shoulder or arm, or even taking your hand and shaking, patting or squeezing it. And whatever they do will be done with a level of energy that matches yours.
Who wouldn’t want to have people like that in their life? And what fun it is to be like that. Enthusiasm is a positive emotion that generates lots of immune-boosting chemicals in your body.  Makes sense to take a dose of it every day, doesn’t it.
If you feel the need to exercise your enthusiasm muscle, here’s a simple plan to get you up and running.

Enthusiastic words

Here are some ways you can really amplify someone’s good feelings

Hint 1

Make a list of ‘enthusiastic’ words, the kind of words you say when you’re really impressed by something, words like ‘Wow!’, ‘Great!’ and ‘Fantastic!’ Choose ones that suit you and practise saying them with a smile on your face and genuine enthusiasm. Put power and expression into your voice. Go well over the top so that you stretch yourself. When you come to do it for real you won’t go as far as that, but you’ll find it easy to generate more enthusiasm.

Hint 2

When someone tells you some good news it’s your cue to bring out one of your enthusiastic words. Select the word that seems right to you. Put a lot of sound into it. Don’t be afraid to let rip. Be bold and loud! Fizzle and sparkle! Imagine you can see the word written out in bold in a colour that you love with lots of exclamation marks after it.

Hint 3

Add the word into a sentence which more or less repeats what it is that the person is so pleased about. If, for example, they’ve just told you they passed their driving test after four attempts, say something like ‘Wow, you must be really pleased that after all those attempts you finally made it!’

Hint 4

If you can, touch them reassuringly and say something like ‘I’m impressed’ or ‘How do you do it?’ or ‘You have every right to feel proud/excited/pleased.’ By doing this you are giving them permission to feel good and celebrate themselves in the presence of another person – you!
Touching them at the same time as uttering a uplifting celebratory phrase has the delicious side-effect of linking their excitement to your words and touch.
Hint 5

Get them to tell you about the experience. Ask questions that lead them to focus on the good bits. ‘What was the best moment?’ ‘What did it feel like when you found out?’ Be excited and you will amplify their own good feelings.

Hint 6

Pat them on the back or squeeze their hand or clap your hands and say once again (using your own words), ‘Well done, that’s great news!’
You’ll leave them feeling on top of the world and feeling very positive towards you.

I’m always surpised by how many people are shocked to discover something about their partner, sometimes after they’ve been married for years.  What secrets are you keeping? What secrets would you prefer to keep?  How might that affect any relationship you enter into?

I planned at one time to run courses in my friends hotel in St Lucia for couples who wanted to get married. The idea was to get them to a place of total honesty,exploring values, beliefs, dreams, expectations before they tied the knot.

So what do you know about your partner and what are you prepared to share with them?

Today’s guest blog excerpt is from Dr Gary Chapman author of The 5 Love Languages. Dr Chapman explores the kind of things you need to cover before tying the knot.. if you want to avoid disappointment!

Here are some questions you might want to know the answers to before you agree to get married or live together.

1. Are my partner and I on the same wavelength intellectually? Try one of these exercises: Read a newspaper or online news article and discuss its merits and implications; read a book and share your impressions with each other.

2. To what degree have we surveyed the foundation of our social unity? Explore the following areas: sports, music, dance, parties, and vocational aspirations.

3. Do we have a clear understanding of each other’s personality, strengths, and weaknesses? Take a personality profile. This is normally done under the direction of a counselor who will interpret the information and help you discover potential areas of personality conflicts.

Peta’s comments: I work with the enneagram when coaching relationship clients. I use it to help people realise the personality differences and potential co-reactions and how to breach them

4. To what degree have we excavated our spiritual foundations? What are your beliefs about God, Spirituality, organized religion, values, and morals?

5. Are we being truthful with each other about our sexual histories? Are you far enough along in the relationship to feel comfortable talking about this? To what degree are you discussing your opinions about sexuality?

6. Have we discovered and are we speaking each other’s primary love language? It is in the context of a full love tank that we are most capable of honestly exploring the foundations of our relationship.

What’s your love language? Take the 30-second qui on Dr Chapman’s site below

Adapted from The Five Love Languages Singles Edition by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman’s resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com

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