Attract Your Perfect Relationship

Posts Tagged ‘law of attraction’

What if I told you that every relationship you attract is perfect even if it seems like a nightmare to you at the time.  When I say this to most of my clients, they do a double take.  

If all this sounds like one big paradox, then it’s probably because, like me, you were sold the illusion of what perfection is.  

I’m not suggesting you can’t meet someone really gorgeous who fulfils all the requirements on your Attraction Plan.   That is a total possibility AND it depends on how self-aware, self-correcting and evolved you are.     I am saying that the Law of Attraction isn’t quite as straightforward as some have professed.

Most of us have not yet ‘ascended’ to that place where life or anything else in it is perfect.   That’s because perfection is not some state you strive for, it’s in your attitude.  And I know, it’s not easy to just change an attitude that doesn’t work.   It’s often taken years of programming to put it in. That’s why coaches exist.  That’s why people pay to go on self awareness programs.  

Attitude is all

My friend Kayla , a down to earth, laugh a minute gal.   When breast cancer struck her at 32, she told me she looked down at her breast and said  ‘Well matey, you’ve obviously got some message for me.. .what is it?’ 

Instead of labelling this illness as a tragedy, she saw it as an opportunity to evaluate her life and make some changes.  

Filter, Sort and Label- how we create the illusion of ‘reality’

Humans are masters at creating illusion.  We are set up with a sort and filter system that specifices what data we take in and how we organize and label it.  The criteria for what we sort and filter are determined by the beliefs and values that have been insinuated into us from birth and evolved throughout our life.   As you can imagine, we miss a helluva lot of data like this.

So, life happens and our sort and filter system goes into action, followed swiftly by the labelling mechanism.  At the labelling stage we decide , based on a tiny selection of data and a set of mostly skewed belief systems, whether an event is good or bad.

Alicia lived with a violent partner for ten years before she found the courage to leave him and take refuge in a shelter.   Alicia’s upbringing and genetic make up were such that she had grown up to be submissive, eager to please and fearful of strong men.    Her self esteem was at zero.   Enter her former partner like a bee to the nectar sniffing out her weaknesses.   

This was a totally perfect relationship for Alicia.   Later looking back she was able to relabel the relationship.  She told me that the relationship was a catlyst that forced her out of her weakness and stirred up enough strength in her to take charge and take action in her life.     She relabelled from  being a ‘nightmare’ to a powerful  life learning experience

How the Attraction Plan works

Fortunately, with enough self awareness and willingness to evolve, we don’t all have to go through an experience like Alicias to realize what we really want and need.

Attraction planning is not making a wish, saying affirmations and waking up to find Prince or Princess Charming has arrived on your doorstep.  Attraction planning is a very powerful self awareness tool and prompt for change which helps you tune into more of who you are and replaces mixed signals with clear beacons of light.

When you begin to use strategic attraction planning, all kinds of things are revealed to you about you.  Part of the role of an attraction coach is to help you question youself and your desires throughout the process.    Your self awareness is heightened and you begin to home in on the personal qualities that you want to refine.  

Doing the attraction process also serves as a clarity beacon on dates.  Instead of jumping in because one of the qualities you want is predominant, your awareness is focused on your overall needs and thus you become more observant and you make much more considered, less impulsive decisions.  

In my experience, most of the clients I work with on their Attraction Plan have all kinds of imaginary demands and deal breakers which actually limit their choices.  Many people discover through coaching that their desires are either highly materially based or excessively emotionally needy. 

By working through it with a relationship or attraction coach, they learn to evaluate what they think they want and zone in on what is truly important.  They also learn where they are looking for someone to fill in the gaps that they need to fill in themselves.   

A change of sort can reap miracles

A friend of mine called me recently to share the tale of her new romance.  Love her as I do, I have watched her over the years constantly sorting for what I call the  ‘padded wallet’.   Looks weren’t anywhere near as important as the size of his money clip.    I watched and waited for it was not my place to coach her.

She was the kind of girl who had men buying her $500 shoes on a first date without having to do so much as kiss them.       She got exactly what she wanted to attract at the time - rich men who were prepared to empty their wallets because she was just so damned sexy.

I stood by and watched it unfold, seeing her attracting all kinds of very rich but highly unsuitable men, never allowing to surface the true depth of connection and vulnerability that I knew existed in her.    

Hallelujah! I’ve seen the light

Last week she shared with me her epiphany.   ‘Peta’, she said, ‘you won’t believe this.  I’m dating a guy with long hair who works as a carpenter and I went camping with him’.    It was difficult to imagine this of a woman who would have previously had a man lay down his cashmere overcoat for her to walk on before allowing a drop of mud to touch her precious pradas.  

She went on to say ‘You know I used to sort for finance, but something happened and I started to sort for the feeling’.    She’d been so bent on finding a rich man that she had cut off her intuitive feeling sensations.    

Sometimes we just don’t know what’s good for us.  Sometimes we just have to have the experience of a seemingly less than perfect relationship to realize what we really want.  All our relationships are perfect because they are simply small steps on our journey to evolving sufficiently to attracting a deeply satisfying intimate relationship.

How does Attraction Planning help?

When you begin to work on your attraction plan, keep this in mind.  As you write out your ‘wish list’ take the time to go inside and check on your intuitive feelings.  Ask yourself is this really what I want and am I asking for this because I feel personally lacking in this area? Ask youreslf  ‘will this really fulfill me in the deepest sense’

Question Yourself

The great thing about going through the Attract Your Perfect Relationship program is that instead of just writing down a wish list, you are encouraged at every turn to question and refine what you think you want.   And it doesn’t stop at a ‘what you want from them’ wish list.

And as you move through the four steps, you will find yourself evaluating just how worthy you are of what you want.  And you will learn what has to happen for you to attract this. And it will most likely require you to let go of certain personality traits that no longer serve you.

Mirror Mirror

Everything you attract will reflect where you are on your personal evolution timeline.    Be grateful for it, learn from it and let go of what doesn’t serve you.   NEVER ever say ‘if only, I’d done x, y or z’   This is a complete waste of time.  You have NO idea what would have happened if you’d married that guy or not spent ten years with the other.   

One client of mine used to constantly imagine how much better his life would have been if he’d got a degree instead of studying bookeeping.   I told him ‘you could have gone to college, walked across a road to meet the woman of your dreams and been run over by a truck’. 

We cannot know what life will bring us and there is only one thing we can be certain of.  Life has a way of highlighting all our fears and weaknesses.    We have the choice to learn the lesson swiftly or undergo repetitive relationship patterns until we get it.  

You will also be encouraged to reflect on the past week and consider what came up for you, what you noticed about what you’re attracting from the attitude of a store clerk to noticing people looking at you differently.    You learn to read the signs more accurately.

The Attract Your Perfect Relationship program is designed to help you bypass lots of the pain by focusing on what you really need and want and above all, what has to happen for you to attract that kind of bounty.

Check out our 4-part 6 hour attraction program and start attracting now!

with love
peta

NLP Articles Dating Strategies 101 - An Update on the last Post

Making sense of it all - in a more NLP like way…

When we like someone and we are interested in them, after we spend time with them we need to process it    Sometimes we talk to our friends and analyse what’s going on.   And sometimes we write in a diary.  And sometimes we just let it go round and round in our head.  And it can get muddled up.

Some things can become more important than they need to be.    Keeping a mental file or making a map about what’s going on is to help you clarify things you noticed and your reactions to them as well as your own thoughts.

After an  encounter with a new  person it can be quite useful to review your impressions and get clear on your feelings I’m going to give you some pointers on the data you might want to collect and we’re going to concentrate on having you gauge this by your feelings not just what’s in your head!      Feel  free to add in your own avenues of enquiry.

Reviewing the encounter
We all ‘label’ feelings with words like ‘anger’ ‘happiness’ ‘ecstacy’ ‘irritation’ but I want you to uncover the physical sensations that go on in your body that prompt you to apply a particular label.

As you answer the questions ‘How do you know’, remember the answer is NOT in your head.  The knowing is in your body.  Most people might say something like ‘I just do’ or ‘I feel it’.  The answer I want you to find, which will help you get into your body is another question ‘what differences are you noticing in sensations in your body and where are they located and how do they feel’   You might I answer ‘I know I like them because I get this tingly feeling just in my heart area, and it kind of spreads to my arms’.

If on a date, what was your first impression and your leaving one.?  If it changed what happened?

Do you like this person?
What is it about them that you like
Can you talk to them?
How do you know?
Are you attracted to them?
How do you know?
Are there any serious values clashes?
How do you know? What are they?
If you were on a date, were you making decisions very early on? What were they based on?
What do you want to happen next?
What has to happen for that to happen?
What might be stopping you?
What did you learn about yourself?

And be sure when you’re filling in this information to awry of the assumptions you might be making
Assumptions and Judgements
As you think about what they said and how the evening went, you will have formed some thoughts and opinions. And I’m willing to bet that some of these fall into the category of assumption or judgement.

Have you judged them about anything?   What evidence did you have?  Is it enough to convict them?  Do they deserve another chance?
What have you assumed from their words, actions or lack of words or actions?
On what evidence do you base these assumptions?

It might be useful to think ‘innocent until proven guilty’. And if you are worried about something, follow it up, find out more.  Sometimes we can be very hasty.

Just check yourself from time to time and recognise what you do. Awareness is half way to curing it.
What did you reveal?
What roles might you have been playing? Were you repeating any of your patterns.
How real were you being?  Give yourself marks out of 10 with 10 for being totally yourself and 1 where you were putting on a big act.
Was there something you wanted to ask but didn’t?

Did  you play any games? Some people pretend they are really interested in something when they’re not? You hate football but you look at them and coo I LOVE football .  What happens when they invite you to a game?

If you did hold back on some things, what would you like to reveal next time either to this person or someone else?

You’ve met someone who seems to be a good match and fit so far.   You have embarked on the relationship journey.  You are on a voyage of discovery not just of someone else, but also of yourself.  And you want to make it work.  Don’t you.

And no matter how madly in love you are, life keeps on coming at you. And this is when we most need the skills of  communicating, creating and maintaining our relation-ships.    And you’ll find it even easier to weather the storms and sail through into calmer waters after you’ve read the articles on communicating and relating – putting it into action.

Boost their Ego 1
There aren’t many of us who don’t enjoy a good ego boost. And clever communicators know that people are more responsive when they’re in a good mood. The gentle art of ego-boosting is a very powerful tool.

Celebrate Good News

Attractive communicators react positively to other people’s good news. They also know how to lead people away from gloom towards possibilities. How about you? Do you help people to see through the clouds to the sun?
When attractive communicators spot a good news boat, they jump on board and join in the celebrations. Superlative words and phrases like ‘Wow!’, ‘Splendid!’, ‘Excellent!’ or ‘That’s amazing!’, ‘Well done, you’, ‘You’re so talented, clever, smart…’ roll off their tongues. They are physically expressive and may jump up and down or clap their hands or open their faces wide. They may touch you in some way – patting your back, placing a hand on your shoulder or arm, or even taking your hand and shaking, patting or squeezing it. And whatever they do will be done with a level of energy that matches yours.
Who wouldn’t want to have people like that in their life? And what fun it is to be like that. Enthusiasm is a positive emotion that generates lots of immune-boosting chemicals in your body.  Makes sense to take a dose of it every day, doesn’t it.
If you feel the need to exercise your enthusiasm muscle, here’s a simple plan to get you up and running.

Enthusiastic words

Here are some ways you can really amplify someone’s good feelings

Hint 1

Make a list of ‘enthusiastic’ words, the kind of words you say when you’re really impressed by something, words like ‘Wow!’, ‘Great!’ and ‘Fantastic!’ Choose ones that suit you and practise saying them with a smile on your face and genuine enthusiasm. Put power and expression into your voice. Go well over the top so that you stretch yourself. When you come to do it for real you won’t go as far as that, but you’ll find it easy to generate more enthusiasm.

Hint 2

When someone tells you some good news it’s your cue to bring out one of your enthusiastic words. Select the word that seems right to you. Put a lot of sound into it. Don’t be afraid to let rip. Be bold and loud! Fizzle and sparkle! Imagine you can see the word written out in bold in a colour that you love with lots of exclamation marks after it.

Hint 3

Add the word into a sentence which more or less repeats what it is that the person is so pleased about. If, for example, they’ve just told you they passed their driving test after four attempts, say something like ‘Wow, you must be really pleased that after all those attempts you finally made it!’

Hint 4

If you can, touch them reassuringly and say something like ‘I’m impressed’ or ‘How do you do it?’ or ‘You have every right to feel proud/excited/pleased.’ By doing this you are giving them permission to feel good and celebrate themselves in the presence of another person – you!
Touching them at the same time as uttering a uplifting celebratory phrase has the delicious side-effect of linking their excitement to your words and touch.
Hint 5

Get them to tell you about the experience. Ask questions that lead them to focus on the good bits. ‘What was the best moment?’ ‘What did it feel like when you found out?’ Be excited and you will amplify their own good feelings.

Hint 6

Pat them on the back or squeeze their hand or clap your hands and say once again (using your own words), ‘Well done, that’s great news!’
You’ll leave them feeling on top of the world and feeling very positive towards you.

I’m always surpised by how many people are shocked to discover something about their partner, sometimes after they’ve been married for years.  What secrets are you keeping? What secrets would you prefer to keep?  How might that affect any relationship you enter into?

I planned at one time to run courses in my friends hotel in St Lucia for couples who wanted to get married. The idea was to get them to a place of total honesty,exploring values, beliefs, dreams, expectations before they tied the knot.

So what do you know about your partner and what are you prepared to share with them?

Today’s guest blog excerpt is from Dr Gary Chapman author of The 5 Love Languages. Dr Chapman explores the kind of things you need to cover before tying the knot.. if you want to avoid disappointment!

Here are some questions you might want to know the answers to before you agree to get married or live together.

1. Are my partner and I on the same wavelength intellectually? Try one of these exercises: Read a newspaper or online news article and discuss its merits and implications; read a book and share your impressions with each other.

2. To what degree have we surveyed the foundation of our social unity? Explore the following areas: sports, music, dance, parties, and vocational aspirations.

3. Do we have a clear understanding of each other’s personality, strengths, and weaknesses? Take a personality profile. This is normally done under the direction of a counselor who will interpret the information and help you discover potential areas of personality conflicts.

Peta’s comments: I work with the enneagram when coaching relationship clients. I use it to help people realise the personality differences and potential co-reactions and how to breach them

4. To what degree have we excavated our spiritual foundations? What are your beliefs about God, Spirituality, organized religion, values, and morals?

5. Are we being truthful with each other about our sexual histories? Are you far enough along in the relationship to feel comfortable talking about this? To what degree are you discussing your opinions about sexuality?

6. Have we discovered and are we speaking each other’s primary love language? It is in the context of a full love tank that we are most capable of honestly exploring the foundations of our relationship.

What’s your love language? Take the 30-second qui on Dr Chapman’s site below

Adapted from The Five Love Languages Singles Edition by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman’s resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com

Attract Your Perfect Relationship

Find out how to build and maintain a Law of Attraction plan to help you attract someone who is just right for you

http://www.attractyourperfectrelationshp.com