Attract Your Perfect Relationship

Apparently it pays to be selective when you are speed dating.  I found the following report today.  What is important when going out on the ‘hunt’ or to speed dating events or any social gathering where you might meet someone new, is to KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

When you complete your attraction plan and have a great sense of what you do and don’t want, your intuitive knowing will kick off in the right direction.

“New research at Northwestern University indicates speed daters who attempt to show interest in every partner they encounter during their session may be doing themselves a disservice. Social psychologist Eli Finkel explains…

FINKEL: I think it is fair to say that if you come off as somebody who likes everybody, you’re going to be disliked. But, it seems like there’s some certain magic that happens between people on occasion where they’re able to convey you are extra special.

Finkel says the results contrast with previous studies regarding non-romantic social interaction.

FINKEL: What those previous results show is that both selectively liking somebody is desirable, and also liking everybody is desirable. After all, who doesn’t like the guy that likes everybody, or the gal that likes everybody? In a romantic context you like everybody you come off as a little bit desperate or unselective and that’s bad.

Finkel offers advice to get the most out of a speed dating experience…

FINKEL: One of the things you’d want to do is go in with an open mind. Try your best to put your best foot forward. You might even want to practice a little bit in advance. What are some interesting, kind of exciting things about me? How can I be responsive and attentive to the people I’m going to meet?

What are good ways in that amount of time to help bring about the best in the other person, help bring out the best in myself? And, I think to the degree that you think about that stuff a little bit in advance and then try not to get to nervous and just enjoy yourself, I think the odds are high that you’re going to have a good experience.

Graduate student Paul Eastwick worked with Finkel on the study. He explains some of the predictors of liking someone after a speed date…

EASTWICK: We do find that in fact physical attractiveness is one of the bigger predictors of your liking for somebody after that speed date, but there are a few amazing things that we found as well.

Basically people have pretty good intuitions and pretty good consensus about many other traits as well, about how fun and exciting you seem, or how friendly you seem, or even how ambitious you are.

You’d really be surprised in four minutes how much you can size up about a person and how good an impression that you could get of them and then hopefully they would help you decide whether or not that’s somebody that you might want to know better as a romantic partner”

From NorthWestern University News

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