Attract Your Perfect Relationship

Facilitating Self Discovery

Susan’s boyfriend was very chaotic. As she got to know him , it dawned on her that he had all the symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder. She thought it might be useful for him to realize that he wasn’t just a hopeless case, it was actually that his brain was wired differently.
She searched the internet and found a list of characteristics of people who have ADD tendencies. It had been compiled by a reputable MD who was also an ADD person himself. There were about 17 points, each explained in a paragraph with examples. Susan printed it off and handed it to her boyfriend. All she said was, ‘Just do me a favour and read through this list. How many of those things seem familiar?’

He ticked off 15 out of 17 points. Then she told him what it meant. She added that most ADD people were considerably more intelligent than average and had the ability to multi-task and that there were ways to cope with it.

Susan knew that it’s quite confrontational to diagnose or label people, so she made it easy for her boyfriend to make a discovery for himself.

There’s an old tried and tested formula for setting people on the road to discovery and that’s to ask questions based on  How, what, why, where and when?
Here are some great questions that facilitate self-discovery:

“What has to be true for that to be true?
‘How do you think you might…?’
‘In what way…?’
‘What do you think could be…?’
‘What difference might that make?’
‘Why might…?’
‘Why would that be useful?’
‘Where would you like to…?’
‘Where do you believe it comes from?’
‘When would be best for you to…?’
‘When might you be able to..?’
‘What would happen if…?’

Keep this in mind and always look for the route to self-discovery. No one likes a know-it-all, but most people are keen to know it all for themselves!

Of course even the most skilled communicators can’t force change on people who aren’t ready to change. But everyone can be supportive and use their skills to make the other person aware of possibilities and alternatives and be there to encourage them when they are ready.