Attract Your Perfect Relationship

More Ego Boosting Ideas…

Shift their Focus

After Sammi failed her driving test three times, she called me in tears. ‘I’m a failure!’ she wailed. ‘No, you’re  not a failure,’ I said. ‘You failed your test – and haven’t you heard that saying “Fourth time lucky”?’

Sammi had taken her behaviour and turned it into part of her identity. Dangerous. Fortunately, changing the standard ‘third time lucky’ phrase to suit her situation made her laugh and shocked her out of it! People will always have their off-moments, and sometimes just a word or two can shift their focus and uplift them.
When people start to go into their problems, make a point of focusing on what’s good about them and get them to think of past examples that refute what they’re claiming and lead them to possibilities. Here are some examples to give you the idea. You can adapt them to suit your own style.
‘Everything seems to be going wrong for me.’

Get them to focus on a positive achievement and use it as a reminder that they can make things go right: ‘But, sometimes things do go right for you. I remember how you…’

‘I just can’t seem to get focused.’

Remind them of times when they were focused and apply it to their current situation: ‘How about when you play tennis? You really seem focused then. What do you do to get so focused?’

‘I just don’t think I’m going to be able to afford it.’

Get them to focus on what they have to do to get past this block: ‘What would you need to have happen so you could afford it?’

‘I’m pretty useless at paying compliments.’

Tell them about a time someone paid you a compliment and how good it made you feel. Get them to focus on what they like about particular people: ‘You’ve got some good friends and people you love, haven’t you? Tell me why you like them. What else do you value in them? How have they helped you?’

‘I’m too quiet/short/whatever.’

Get them to focus on the positive aspects of what they see as a negative trait: ‘Sometimes silence can be more powerful than talking for the sake of it.’ ‘You’re not short, you’re petite.’ ‘Tom Cruise is pretty short/Carrie from Sex and the City is under 5′ but oozes sex appeal.’

Make a list of negative sentences similar to those above and come up with as many positive refocusing statements as you can. Don’t censor what comes up – even if the statements sound ridiculous, you will be giving your positive focus muscle a great workout!

Of course, though, it’s wise to remember that sometimes people just aren’t ready to change and you can’t be the world’s therapist. If people are determined to whine and moan, removing yourself from their company is a desirable option. Why hang around with someone who’s spreading doom and gloom? You might catch it too!