Attract Your Perfect Relationship

Archive for the ‘tips’ Category

Boost their Ego 1
There aren’t many of us who don’t enjoy a good ego boost. And clever communicators know that people are more responsive when they’re in a good mood. The gentle art of ego-boosting is a very powerful tool.

Celebrate Good News

Attractive communicators react positively to other people’s good news. They also know how to lead people away from gloom towards possibilities. How about you? Do you help people to see through the clouds to the sun?
When attractive communicators spot a good news boat, they jump on board and join in the celebrations. Superlative words and phrases like ‘Wow!’, ‘Splendid!’, ‘Excellent!’ or ‘That’s amazing!’, ‘Well done, you’, ‘You’re so talented, clever, smart…’ roll off their tongues. They are physically expressive and may jump up and down or clap their hands or open their faces wide. They may touch you in some way – patting your back, placing a hand on your shoulder or arm, or even taking your hand and shaking, patting or squeezing it. And whatever they do will be done with a level of energy that matches yours.
Who wouldn’t want to have people like that in their life? And what fun it is to be like that. Enthusiasm is a positive emotion that generates lots of immune-boosting chemicals in your body.  Makes sense to take a dose of it every day, doesn’t it.
If you feel the need to exercise your enthusiasm muscle, here’s a simple plan to get you up and running.

Enthusiastic words

Here are some ways you can really amplify someone’s good feelings

Hint 1

Make a list of ‘enthusiastic’ words, the kind of words you say when you’re really impressed by something, words like ‘Wow!’, ‘Great!’ and ‘Fantastic!’ Choose ones that suit you and practise saying them with a smile on your face and genuine enthusiasm. Put power and expression into your voice. Go well over the top so that you stretch yourself. When you come to do it for real you won’t go as far as that, but you’ll find it easy to generate more enthusiasm.

Hint 2

When someone tells you some good news it’s your cue to bring out one of your enthusiastic words. Select the word that seems right to you. Put a lot of sound into it. Don’t be afraid to let rip. Be bold and loud! Fizzle and sparkle! Imagine you can see the word written out in bold in a colour that you love with lots of exclamation marks after it.

Hint 3

Add the word into a sentence which more or less repeats what it is that the person is so pleased about. If, for example, they’ve just told you they passed their driving test after four attempts, say something like ‘Wow, you must be really pleased that after all those attempts you finally made it!’

Hint 4

If you can, touch them reassuringly and say something like ‘I’m impressed’ or ‘How do you do it?’ or ‘You have every right to feel proud/excited/pleased.’ By doing this you are giving them permission to feel good and celebrate themselves in the presence of another person – you!
Touching them at the same time as uttering a uplifting celebratory phrase has the delicious side-effect of linking their excitement to your words and touch.
Hint 5

Get them to tell you about the experience. Ask questions that lead them to focus on the good bits. ‘What was the best moment?’ ‘What did it feel like when you found out?’ Be excited and you will amplify their own good feelings.

Hint 6

Pat them on the back or squeeze their hand or clap your hands and say once again (using your own words), ‘Well done, that’s great news!’
You’ll leave them feeling on top of the world and feeling very positive towards you.

We give away clues to our emotions by the way we refer to the body in our spoken language. Our language is rich in ‘bodywords’. Being aware of these words and how we use them helps us to get in touch with our body as a living expressive changing entity.
As you read through the following list of phrases, focus your mind on the parts of the body that are mentioned and notice what sensations and thoughts come up for you.

The Face

On the face of it. Think about your face and the faces of people you know. The face is first place we check out when we are interacting with someone. We often use the word ‘face’ to speak about the outward appearance of things. This suggests that although the face is the first place we look, we are aware that there is more.

Putting on a brave face. How often do you put on a face and what kind of faces do you put on? When we put on faces, we are hiding our true feelings behind a mask. This fools very few people, although many people choose to accept things ‘at face value’.

Losing face. This is a term we use to denote a blow to our self-esteem. When you lose face, your face literally lets go, drops and acts out a flood of emotions. You are no longer ‘putting on a face’. What would happen if you were strong enough to ‘face up to things’ instead?

Keep your chin up. We say this to encourage people, to boost their spirits when times are hard. When the chin drops and quivers it’s often a sign that someone is about to cry.

If looks could kill. We can manipulate our face so that it sends out a flood of nasty emotions to someone. Often we do it unconsciously! What kind of looks do you send out? What might you achieve by monitoring how your feelings are affecting the ‘looks’ you give yout  making a conscious effort to send out loving looks more often?

The Neck and Shoulders

Sticking your neck out. This refers to taking risks. When someone sticks their neck out they are moving forward and exposing their face. It is both vulnerable and powerful. How often do you take risks and what do you lose by not sticking out your neck sometimes? Is your neck held stiffly in your shoulders?

Shouldering responsibility. If your shoulders slump forwards it might be because you have too much going on in your life and it’s overwhelming you. If they are tense, maybe you’re trying too hard to hold back the tide.

Swallowing your words. How often do you swallow your words? When you feel a lump in your throat, you are literally being choked by words unsaid or emotions unexpressed.

The Heart

Our language is full of expressions involving the word ‘heart’. We think of our heart as the core of our being.

My heart sank. We get feelings in our heart when we are confronted by severe disappointment or anxiety.

My heart isn’t in it. When this is the case you are doing something that isn’t in harmony with who you are. Notice when your heart isn’t in things and how that affects you. Maybe the feeling is telling you to place your heart somewhere else, where it can beat more freely.

To lose your heart. When someone falls in love they often feel as if they no longer have control over their heart because someone else has it.

To break a heart. This is the sense of your heart being cut off from the world when you have been hurt.

To open your heart. Attractive people have the ability to open their hearts to send and receive love freely. This is one of the most powerful qualities you can develop..
To become more aware of your body and how it talks, start by noticing bodywords when they come into a conversation.

While we are busy using bodywords, our body is equally busy shaping itself in relation to our emotions. Learning to understand how your emotions affect your body is vital if you are to realign yourself to move and interact in a more attractive way.

Bodyenergy
Many respected forms of therapy are based on the theory that your body is a map of your emotions..

Alexander Lowen, one of the creators of bioenergetics, says: ‘Bioenergetics is a therapeutic technique to help a person get back together with his body and to help him enjoy, to the fullest degree possible, the life of the body.’

Do you remember being told as a kid not to make faces because the wind would change and you’d get stuck like that? That wasn’t an old wives’ tale, it was the truth.

We do get stuck in certain unattractive postures on a regular basis. Have you ever had the experience of watching TV or a film and realizing you’ve been frowning for a long time? There are plenty of other looks and postures that are equally unattractive. If you start by being aware of what you’re putting out there, you can begin to change it.

Your body is like a museum of all your past emotions. As a baby your body was loose, vulnerable, open, relaxed, ready for action, very mobile and able to reach out in all directions. Energy flowed naturally and you had a gentle pulse or rhythm that was regular and easy.

As you came into contact with the world, this naturally flowing energy made contact with other kinds of  other  people’s negative and positive energy vibrations. We sense physically when we encounter a strong form of energy there’s a rude interruption of the natural flow and rhythm of our bodies.

When your ‘heart skips a beat’ your heart actually does beat irregularly when you experience certain emotions - When something ‘takes your breath away’ it means that for a moment you stop breathing and the natural flow of your breathing is interrupted.

When we come into contact with things that feel good, we open up to it inside and out.  Our posture expands and our limbs separate and we smile. When we come into contact with unpleasant emotions, we literally contract as muscles clench, breath is held and the body tenses up. We arm ourselves to resist.

Rigid Discipline

Robert was a hyperactive child. He was constantly told to stop fidgeting. As a result, when he felt the urge to fidget he remembered his mother’s disapproving shout and anger and he clenched his fists and held his arms very rigidly at his side. His body developed the habit so much that he spent most of him life clenching his fists and holding himself rigidly. He appeared stiff and lifeless. His inner glow was so restricted by his body that he couldn’t let it out.

When we contract it’s as if we’re building a defence against our true feelings. Our rhythms become discordant and we start to bend and twist into unpleasant shapes. And we don’t look attractive.

What Will the Neighbors Say?

Genevieve worried constantly about what people would say about her. One day we were standing by the window looking down at the view, or so I thought, when Genevieve’s hand shot out to straighten the net curtain. As she did so she started to mutter, ‘They’re really critical round here - they pick up on everything.’ And then I noticed that her back had begun to curve and quite unconsciously she had stopped speaking out loud but was just moving her lips. The more she muttered, the more her back bent over. I stopped her and pointed it out. She was horrified to realize that she was creating a dowager’s hump for herself. Awareness is the precursor of change. Wake up to what you’re doing now.

As you begin to work on the bits of your body that are stuck, you will also find yourself releasing the link to the emotions that made you get like that in the first place. And as you do that, you are freeing up your body to learn what it is like to be joyful, alive, lissom, sensual and expansive.

Sometimes just thinking about what that would be like is enough to shift your body. So what’s it like when your body is aligned and flowing? Why not try it out for yourself with the following exercise?

Stand up and keep your feet apart with your buttocks loose and unclenched. Feel your feet firmly planted on the ground and keep your head balanced on the top of your neck. Imagine you have a golden string at the top of your head that draws you upwards. Let your shoulders droop and your arms hang down.

As you breathe in, feel your chest rising upwards. Begin to rock and sway from your hips. Lift your arms to your side and stretch them as far as you can. Move your shoulders back and forth in circles and purse your lips in a sexy kissing motion as you do so, finishing by licking your lips and smiling.

Go take a dance class, do some yoga or just continue to do this exercise once a day.

Are you strategically attracting what is perfect for you or are you a zap-happy attraction magnet? Every day you draw things into your life as a direct result of the concentrated thoughts, wishes and ideas that you come up with. The more you think the thoughts and wish the wishes, the more the ’system’ conspires to make them happen.  And sometimes you attract things that you don’t want.  So you can thank your lucky stars that someone’s come up with a technology designed to help you strategically attract only those things that are a match and fit for you..
And if you are a bit dubious about the idea that you can order what you want from the universe and get it… a bit of back-up science might help to convince you!
After 8 years of research and psychological testing UK Psychologist and university research scientist, Dr Richard Wiseman has proven that you can change your luck and live a charmed life.   Wiseman lays out the data in his book, The Luck Factor At last proof of what we’ve always known …
YOU have power to change your life by changing your thoughts and attitudes and focusing on what you really want.  The question is HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

And before you even begin.. there are some things to be being…
Pre-key 1 Be in awe of your power.

You are able to generate situations you don’t want and you have the power to create an amazing reality.  You also have the choice to concentrate your thoughts in the right direction and get what you want.

Pre-key 2 Know what you want to attract?

Is it a ‘perfect’ partner, financial security or that ‘ideal’ job.  Maybe it’s clients or customers that are perfect for you.    What do you want?  AND, in case you started to think about what you don’t want; it’s OK!  You have a great starting point. What you want is probably the opposite of what you don’t want.  If you think ‘I don’t want to work 9 - 5′ then what’s the opposite of that?  Or ask ‘If I don’t want 9-5, [or whatever your thing is] what do I want instead? Follow that thought.   Now give it a name…and say

I am attracting my perfect……. enter your word/s here.

Pre-Key 2 Universal Perfection does not exist, ‘perfection’ is what uniquely matches and fits YOU.

Sound like that might work for you?  Great!  When you brush aside pre-conceived ideas and look in another direction, you are more open to get a sense of what’s perfect for you and to know how that feels.  Because you do know, don’t you..

Key 1 - Find your zone.

What’s true of you when you’re at your best?  At some or many times in your life you’ve been in what some call ‘the zone’. There are as many phrases for this feeling as there people who have had it.  YOU have had this sense.  You might call it something else.   What you might not know is that each time you’re ‘there’ your body takes on almost the exact same configuration.   Your body knows how to do you at your best.   The Key is to find your ‘zone’ learn how your body does it and practise.
Your bodily awareness of yourself in your ‘zone’ ‘at your best’ [by the way what is it like for you - take a moment to get in touch with that cellular memory... I teach my clients how to model themselves at their best.   This is based on the MythoSelf ®-tm  process.  Using this process I teach people initially to reactivate in their body the state where for them anything is possible. This is th eplace to begin.

Key 2 -  Connect to the world.

Each of us is part of something greater than ourselves.  The world is greater than you isn't it and all the greater for having you in it.   YOU are a very important part of the world.  Feel yourself tuning into the world around you sensing the ripples of who you are connecting..

Imagine yourself as a jigsaw piece in the great universal jigsaw puzzle.  Your unique shape has a tailor-made exclusive reserved space in that puzzle.   Take a moment to think of your connection to the world and get in touch with your body as you do so.    Notice how this feels different from being 'in your zone'.

Key 3 -  Tune into your Purpose Star.

James Hillman, author of The Soul's Code says, "Purpose, does not usually appear as a clearly framed goal, but more likely as a troubling, unclear urge coupled with a sense of indubitable importance".

When you get that sense of yourself at your best and a feeling of being part of some great universal plan, you will experience your sense of purpose.  What would it be like to have a purpose star guiding you in every action?  Each time you are faced with a decision, simply ask yourself 'is this going to further my purpose [even if indirectly] and do what’s right for you.

Key 4 -  Get specific ask for everything.

Take a piece of paper and on one side write ‘my ideal clients, job, partner will have the following attributes’.  Without censoring, jot down everything that comes to mind.

For each attribute, ask yourself how YOU match up.   If you want someone who is loving, how loving are you?  If you want the freedom to be yourself, how often do you wear a mask or pretend to be what others want you to be?
On the other side of the paper make a list of the areas you want to transform.  Always use the positive.   I am more giving, I am more loving. And then write down ideas for how you can be more like this.  Ask other people, be bold

Key 5 - Take Attractive Action.

If you want to be more loving you could resolve to do one loving act every day.  If you want to be freer to be yourself you could make a point of saying ‘no’ when you might previously have said ‘yes’.  Go on a course, read some books, meditate; do whatever it takes.

Key 6 -  Act-ivate your dream.

Look at your original list each day and imagine life with your perfect partner, job or clients. Use all your senses and make sure it’s as if you are living it for real, not watching yourself in the distance.

Bonus Key 7 - Be picky picky picky - go for what is perfect for YOU! [and you alone]

When I first started doing private one-on-one work with clients I wasn’t too picky and as  As I became more experienced I started to define which clients I loved to work with and what it was about them.  I described them as being on a scale with microwave at one end [those that are semi cooked into some of this stuff and are willing to pay me to take them even further] and raw meat at the other [those who are resistant, angry and who really belong with a psychotherapist because they need tenderising, softening up, seasoning and cooking for a long time slowly in the oven...and I don't do that!].  I prefer the microwave types.

One day a client turned up who was so negative and impossible that I got he was one of those people who pay good money just to say that NOTHING works.   I was part of his program to prove that he had no alternative but to stay miserable.  When he left I thought to myself ‘there’s another category’  FROZEN raw meat  and I never want another client like that again.

So the next question I had to ask myself was ‘if you don’t want that what do you want?’.. Who is your perfect client..?  I sat down and did my list..

Within 2 days of doing this process to attract my ‘perfect clients’, Kilhan turned up.  He’d done my Pulling Power course, had a couple of empowerment sessions with me and been on the MythoSelf ® course designed by my mentor Joseph Riggio.  He felt like he needed a ‘refresher’…

WOW and double wow.

He was an absolute joy to work with and since then I’ve only had interesting, up-for-it, clients who like what I do and who are willing to pay the fees that my skills merit.  In fact they love paying me because they get that having me in their life is as valuable as the luxury car they drive and the expensive restaurants they eat in.  ‘Perfect’ for me! Perfect for them!

So…What’s ‘perfect’ for you?

Remember your thoughts are your power.  Be alert for the thoughts that send you into a spiral.. begin to notice when the thought starts, what’s going on in your body especially in the neck to top of leg area..  Begin to recognise the signals of negativity before they take hold..and shift yourself simply by relaxing the muscles of your belly and the muscles located opposite them in your back. This is a quick way to begin to get yourself into the kind of state where you can let go and just be.   You’ll soon find yourself stopping and consciously changing what you are thinking by focusing on WHAT YOU WANT…

We may be a bunch of converted Perrier drinkers, but the holidays is one of those times when temptation is all around.  The hottest guest at the office gathering is our old ‘buddy’ Mr Alcohol.  He’s the first one we make for when we arrive and often he’s the one we’re still chasing when the party winds down.

If you spend too long in Mr A’s company, you run the risk of waking the next day, not just with a bad head but with that awful sinking feeling that something happened at the party but you can’t quite remember.  And you know you’ve done something you shouldn’t have.   Don’t worry; you’ll be reminded soon enough, because you can guarantee some kind person is spreading the tale of your exploits.

As one who has consumed gallons of alcohol at office parties and committed and witnessed enough mind-boggling gaffes to fill a book, my advice is drink only enough to feel merry and as soon as you do, STOP.  If you must spend time with Mr A, try spending a little time with Mrs Snacks and Dr Water as well!  The office party is a time to keep your wits about you, not lose them completely.  Save the wild stuff for New Years Eve, safe in the company of friends who know you well!

The office party can be a great opportunity to develop relationships, get better acquainted with that person you’ve been drooling over all year, get to know the boss, bond with your staff, and have a hoot with your colleagues.

Getting closer to the boss

At one office party in a well-known corporation I discovered the CEO, signing his name in felt pen on the twin jewels of one his employees. That’s NOT what I mean by betting closer to the boss.

The Holidays is a time to give presents. And if you enjoy your work, and the company of your colleagues, you have a whole closet full of goodies to dole out that won’t cost you a dime. I’m talking about ‘compliments’ and ‘thank you’s’. Use the party as an opportunity to informally tell people how much you appreciate them.    It’s an opportunity to look back on the good times during the year and get them feeling good about the future.

The office party is also a fantastic opportunity to interact with the people who count in a friendly relaxed environment.    This is NOT brownnosing.  Strong and powerful people can sniff that out in a moment.   This is about keeping your power and acknowledging theirs.

Use the opportunity to make a connection, introduce yourself, say something complimentary about the organisation [you have to believe what you say] Your aim is to make them aware of who you are and leave them with positive feelings about YOU.     They will be much more receptive to you whenever you need to approach them formally.

Getting closer to that special person

If you’ve been lusting after someone you work with, use the opportunity to find out if they really are a potential match for you.   A vague but honest introduction such as ‘I’ve seen you around and had this feeling I’d enjoy getting to know you better’…. works as well as any.   If they seem amenable, get to know what makes them tick, what they love doing, what’s important to them.

If your judgement is blurred by too much spirit-ual intake, you will miss or misinterpret their signals, and you might find yourself going further than is appropriate.

If your feelings are boiling over and you feel compelled to confess all, make sure to do it somewhere private, well beyond earshot of colleagues.  If you get a knockback, at least you’ll spare yourself the shame of public rejection and if romance does kick give it time to develop naturally before the office gossips take over.  A romance at work is a bit like a celebrity affair; it’s lived out in the limelight of the office fluorescents and broadcast on gossip TV. Be prepared!

Spreading the compliments of the season

The office gathering is also a great chance to mend fences, get to know someone who’s not like you or just get into the seasonal spirit of goodwill and peace by being nice to everyone for no good reason.

Bring your sack of compliments and give them out to everyone.  If someone’s hair looks good or you like something they’re wearing tell him or her.   If your employees have gone that extra mile or done some top work, tell them how much you appreciate them and give due praise for their special qualities. Don’t be like an accountant friend of mine who, when a client praised the cheeriness of his receptionist, made sure not to tell her ‘in case she got too bigheaded’.  Compliment the boss too. If he or she has helped you along, or manages you well, now’s the time to let them know how much you appreciate it.

If there are people you’ve clashed with, avoided or who appear very different from you, seek them out.   Find out about them.  You’ll be pleasantly surprised, I guarantee.    If their culture is different, ask them about what festivals they celebrate and what kind of special things they do and eat.    Ask them questions about how they spend their time out of the office; what they’re passionate about.  Smile, laugh and be nice for no good reason.

When you enter into the spirit of things in a less spirit-fuelled way you could have a fantastic experience that will set the tone for the year to come.

So you’ve  buried his memory, got over the grief and spent time learning to like yourself.  Like a flower in bud, you’re ready to burst onto the dating scene again.   Here’s some top tips to help you find the love you want.

Boost your self esteem.  Before going out, stand in front of the mirror and imagine you’re a goddess or someone you admire  How would she talk, smile, stand.  Take on her actions and say to yourself, I’m a goddess and spend the entire day acting as a goddess would.  You’ll be surprised at how it changes other people’s reactions.

Dress to attract not seduce.  Revealing breasts, legs and large acres of flesh say ‘I’m up for sex’. Women who use their sexuality to attract a man, generally lack self confidence.   Show you’re a confident happy woman.  Emphasise your good points but save the ultra sexy clothing for when you’re with that special someone.

Be open to indirect connections Don’t leave a party because there are no decent men there.  Decide to have fun and be open to sideways opportunities.  The girl who talks to you at the drinks table could be a potential link to  someone who is just right to you.

Transmit your energy.  Think of how good you feel when you’re at your best,  Imagine an invisible thread connecting your heart to his heart.  Send out a silent message such as ‘You’re gorgeous’ or ‘I like the look of you’.  You’ll be surprised what people pick up unconsciously.

Give clear signals I sometimes feel I need to repeat this a thousand times.   Most men need very clear signals before they’ll make a move.  Instead of flirting with the ones you don’t like or those that are easy to get, show the ones you really like you’re interested. If you don’t he’ll be afraid to make a move.  Smile, make eye contact and repeat this two or three times.

Go halfway to meeting him. Instead of fearing rejection, realise that most men other than control freaks love to be approached by a woman.  You don’t have to act like  amazon warrior on the hunt. Simply give them your number/email and let them know you’d be open to them calling you.

Learn the art of small talk.  Notice your surroundings and make throw away comments about what’s going on.  You don’t have to give a Miss World speech, just start a conversation. A simple ‘hi’ or a compliment or a line like ‘it’s nice to be inside when it’s raining outside, it feels kind of cosy.

Remember the only things a relationship needs to get going is that you like each other, you can talk to each other and you find each other attractive. All the rest is and learning, acceptance and adapting.

Like me you can probably reel off a list of people that you would label charismatic.  Michael Parkinson has it and so does Paul Newman.  JFK had it in bucketloads and he  abused it and poor old George Dubbya needs an army to help him find it while his old pal Tony Blair does a mediocre job of pretending to have it.

Martin Luther King had it - his speeches still make the hairs on my arm stand up on end  - and Adolf Hitler proves that it’s possible to be charismatic and a thoroughly bad egg as well.

And just for the record I define charisma as  magnetic attraction.

Seduction gurus appear to have it on the surface whilst Professor Richard Wiseman has plenty of advice on how to have it

• General: Open body posture, hands away from face when talking, stand up straight, relax, hands apart with palms forwards or upwards
• To an individual: Let people know they matter and you enjoy being around them, develop a genuine smile, nod when they talk, briefly touch them on the upper arm, and maintain eye contact
• To a group: Be comfortable as leader, move around to appear enthusiastic, lean slightly forward and look at all parts of the group
• Message: Move beyond status quo and make a difference, be controversial, new, simple to understand, counter-intuitive
• Speech: Be clear, fluent, forceful and articulate, evoke imagery, use an upbeat tempo, occasionally slow for tension or emphasis.

And much as I respect Dr Wiseman for his sterling research on luck, I’m afraid his advice here is all about doing - which automatically begs the question ‘How do I do that’ and opens the door for a host of eager beaver NLP’ers to dive in and tell us that all we have to do is to elicit a charismatic person’s strategy and we’ll get it.

And I just don’t believe it!

There’s a lot of fancy stuff taught in the name of charisma including the idea of modelling what charismatic people do and what I’ve noticed building in popularity over the years is this idea that there’s a quick fix solution that will turn dull nerds into charismatic seducers in one weekend.

There’s a book which has been a massive seller for years and its title sums  up everything that is wrong about this self help business  ‘How To Make Anyone Fall in Love with You.    I bought it and I’m still waiting for Brad Pitt to call.   It’s a well crafted book with loads of things to do but it still gives the idea that there’s something to be doing to get instant charisma.  And my publishers tell me this is a title that really sells.   Me, I think books, mine included, are just openers that point people in the direction of self exploration.

A girl who’d attended  - amongst many other courses  - an NLP Master Practitioner called me the other day and said ‘I want you to help me ‘crack it’.  She wanted to be able to be ‘in a happy state all the time’ I told her ’sorry, can’t be done’

People are desperate to believe the illusion that life is microwaveable and can be changed in an instant.  My experience tells me otherwise.  There ain’t no formula for instant charisma.

I’ve been working with people individually and in groups for years now under the guise of teaching them how to be attractive and charismatic and I’ve been very careful to state that ‘at the end of this course you will BEGIN TO BE more able to…because I know that it’s not really about being more confident or more sociable or stopping the voices in your head or making pictures of being charismatic.  It’s simply about being and playing and having the experience.

I believe we all have charismatic potential deep in the centre of who we are and that for some the pathway is relatively clear and open requiring a little weeding and cutting back of undergrowth whilst  for others it requires a massive excavation job before we see a glimmer of potential.

Charisma in the positive sense [i.e. I'm not incuding Adolf in this]
seems to arise from a person being completely who they are and a facility to radiate themselves in such a way that others are captivated and ultimately willing to follow them to the ends of the earth.

I don’t think we learn charisma, I think we create the space for it to emerge.

The closest I’ve come to this is the work I’ve done with Joseph Riggio which focuses on teaching people how to shift somatically, NOT intellectually, into a state of being their very best, in the zone and connects them to a sense of being connected to the world of which they are a part.  People get to experience themselves like this in their body.  I also believe that charismatic people have a natural facility to tune into other people and just be with them.

When a person taps into themselves in this way they can’t help but radiate something that touches others literally.    They are sending out the vibes of who they are and it’s very delicious. I’ve seen moments of it in people who on first appearance would not merit the label ‘charismatic’. I’ve seen apparently dull boring men and women send out sparks of pure sexual energy that in that moment are almost irresistible.

And from those little sparks fires slowly build and warm over time creating a structural well formedness wherein charisma can flourish.   And it always comes from being not doing.

And when we can learn to be and to think and do nothing I think charisma arises naturally like the sun from behind the mountains.
I’m still learning to be in this experience more and to travel inside myself and just be with me.  And what I’ve noticed is that thereare more and more periods in my life and in particular when I’m running a workshop where stuff just seems to materialise and it’s great stuff.  Like that I am charismatic.

You too have the potential when you learn to make the space for it to emerge.

You know that there’s a whole world of potential waiting to be unleashed inside you.

So what’s stopping you?  And more to the point, what do you want.

This is the first question I ask my clients, after we’ve had a chat about this and that.

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Failed ‘Popstar’, Kelli Young recently announced she wants to join the mile high club. She’s confessed to being a fan of having sex in ‘funny places’   Kelli’s  not the only one.  Somewhere-else sex is a very popular pastime with the good and literate citizens of Aberdeen.  There’s been so much shagging going on in the loos of the Aberdeen Central Library that the council have been forced to install alarms that sound off when more than one person enters a cubicle at a time.

Despite the somewhat unsavoury connotations, ladies loos have long been a favourite spot for a bit of illicit rumpy pumpy.   The loo isn’t exactly designed for comfortable copulation but it definitely encourages positional creativity!

Shagging in unusual locations has much to recommend it.    In addition to the pure sexual thrill you get from doing it, you’ll most definitely feel a buzz when thinking about it beforehand and an enormous surge of excitement when you suggest it to your lover and sense them getting turned on!   It doesn’t stop there!

Days, months or even years later you can instantly revive your lover’s lust with a few key words that bring back those juicy memories.   AND as an added bonus,  it’s a great topic for discussion at a girls night out or even a dinner party  [Well it is at the kind of dinner parties I get invited to!].

“Where’s the strangest place you’ve ever had sex’ really gets the conversation going.

I’d advise waiting till some alcohol has been consumed by all before asking this one!

Somewhere-else sex is an adventure, it’s different and has an element of risk that gets both our adrenalin and our sex hormones pumping .  We are drawn to it in the same way many people indulge in adventure sports like snowboarding, surfing, motorcycle racing and skydiving.

If you want to feel those hormones pumping and kick-start your sex life into action, be prepared to embrace variety, change and to take advantage of the unexpected.  It’s too easy to fall into routines and always do it in bed or on holiday and if you’re really daring, on the living room sofa.

Try taking a few risks [not health risks I emphasise].Think about which illicit location you’d choose .   It could be in the open air, or shut in a closet.  Maybe you fancy it on a beach or in the woods [Warning! put something on the ground!! After a session in the woods during the summer, I emerged with a big smile on my face but 12 rather painful insect bites on my bum].

You might be tempted to a quick one in your neighbour’s garden shed or plump for a bunk up in Harrods’ furniture department.  Aeroplane loos are popular [unless you can afford first class in which case you get to do it on reclining beds under fluffy blankets!]  The choice of location is limited only by the size of your imagination.   When you start to focus on it, you’ll find yourself coming up with all sorts of wild ideas.

Happy somewhere-else sex!

1. Spend at least ten minutes every day thinking about what’s great about you.  Look into the mirror and compliment yourself!
2. Stand up tall with your feet about 18 inches apart, pull your shoulders back and down and make circular movements with your hips. Lick round the edges of your lips as you think of a sexy moment in your life.  Doing sexy body language consciously is a way of beginning to develop it as a natural way of being.
3. Start smiling at people you don’t normally interact with and notice the effect.
4. Pay attention to how other people speak and move.  Notice how they speak at different rates and volumes and move with different energy levels.   This is the first step in being able to develop an energetic rapport with others that will make interaction much smoother and more successful.
5. At the beginning of each day ask yourself what great opportunities to connect with people are going to present themselves.  You’ll be surprised how changing your focus allows you to detect things that may have previously gone unnoticed
6. If you go to a social event, don’t have a seek and hunt attitude to finding a partner.  See it simply as an opportunity to meet new people and expand your social network.  Most people meet their partners via people they know and when they least expect it!