Attract Your Perfect Relationship

Archive for the ‘sex’ Category

Bodyenergy

Many respected forms of therapy are based on the theory that your body is a map of your emotions..
Alexander Lowen, one of the creators of bioenergetics, says: ‘Bioenergetics is a therapeutic technique to help a person get back together with his body and to help him enjoy, to the fullest degree possible, the life of the body.’

Do you remember being told as a kid not to make faces because the wind would change and you’d get stuck like that? That wasn’t an old wives’ tale, it was the truth.

We do get stuck in certain unattractive postures on a regular basis. Have you ever had the experience of watching TV or a film and realizing you’ve been frowning for a long time? There are plenty of other looks and postures that are equally unattractive. If you start by being aware of what you’re putting out there, you can begin to change it.

Your body is like a museum of all your past emotions. As a baby your body was loose, vulnerable, open, relaxed, ready for action, very mobile and able to reach out in all directions. Energy flowed naturally and you had a gentle pulse or rhythm that was regular and easy.

As you came into contact with the world, this naturally flowing energy made contact with other kinds of  other  people’s negative and positive energy vibrations. We sense physically when we encounter a strong form of energy there’s a rude interruption of the natural flow and rhythm of our bodies.

When your ‘heart skips a beat’ your heart actually does beat irregularly when you experience certain emotions – When something ‘takes your breath away’ it means that for a moment you stop breathing and the natural flow of your breathing is interrupted.

When we come into contact with things that feel good, we open up to it inside and out.  Our posture expands and our limbs separate and we smile. When we come into contact with unpleasant emotions, we literally contract as muscles clench, breath is held and the body tenses up. We arm ourselves to resist.

Rigid Discipline

Robert was a hyperactive child. He was constantly told to stop fidgeting. As a result, when he felt the urge to fidget he remembered his mother’s disapproving shout and anger and he clenched his fists and held his arms very rigidly at his side. His body developed the habit so much that he spent most of him life clenching his fists and holding himself rigidly. He appeared stiff and lifeless. His inner glow was so restricted by his body that he couldn’t let it out.

When we contract it’s as if we’re building a defence against our true feelings. Our rhythms become discordant and we start to bend and twist into unpleasant shapes. And we don’t look attractive.
What Will the Neighbors Say?

Genevieve worried constantly about what people would say about her. One day we were standing by the window looking down at the view, or so I thought, when Genevieve’s hand shot out to straighten the net curtain. As she did so she started to mutter, ‘They’re really critical round here – they pick up on everything.’ And then I noticed that her back had begun to curve and quite unconsciously she had stopped speaking out loud but was just moving her lips. The more she muttered, the more her back bent over. I stopped her and pointed it out. She was horrified to realize that she was creating a dowager’s hump for herself. Awareness is the precursor of change.

Wake up to what you’re doing now.

As you begin to work on the bits of your body that are stuck, you will also find yourself releasing the link to the emotions that made you get like that in the first place. And as you do that, you are freeing up your body to learn what it is like to be joyful, alive, lissom, sensual and expansive.

Sometimes just thinking about what that would be like is enough to shift your body. So what’s it like when your body is aligned and flowing? Why not try it out for yourself with the following exercise?

Stand up and keep your feet apart with your buttocks loose and unclenched. Feel your feet firmly planted on the ground and keep your head balanced on the top of your neck. Imagine you have a golden string at the top of your head that draws you upwards. Let your shoulders droop and your arms hang down.

As you breathe in, feel your chest rising upwards. Begin to rock and sway from your hips. Lift your arms to your side and stretch them as far as you can. Move your shoulders back and forth in circles and purse your lips in a sexy kissing motion as you do so, finishing by licking your lips and smiling.
Go take a dance class, do some yoga or just continue to do this exercise once a day.

Next time you look across a crowded room and feel the ‘boom boom’ of your heart and the subtle signs of sexual arousal, and say to yourself ‘He/She’s the one’, be very very wary.  It’s not ‘love at first sight’, but an ancient genetic programme kicking into action. It doesn’t matter if he’s a potential wife beater or has latent schizoid tendencies or she’s a terrible nag or wants to live in the country when you are a real townie.  Your genes don’t take personality into account.  They are on a one track mission to get you to have sex and reproduce.
It all started with some rather interesting experiments on mice…

Minnie wasn’t drawn to Mickey beause he was a fun loving little ball of fur with good prospects and a loving nature, but because his genes were very different from hers.

Scientific experiments have proved that, if your genes are different from his or hers, and he or she has a certain look, you’ll be driven crazy with lust.

After experimenting with mice, they did some tests on humans with surprising results.  They selected a number of women and men who had both similar and different genetic MHC genes [that stands for major histocompatibility complex].  MHC genes check out protein markers on cells and help the body recognise hostile organisms This sets off the immune system.

If someone mates with a person whose MHC genes are different from theirs, the offspring will get a double dose of hostile organism checkers.. That means their kids will have a better chance at resisting disease.

The testers asked a number men to wear brand new t-shirts for two days and nights, never taking it off. They were not allowed to use anything on their skins that had any kind of scent .  They wanted them to get naturally whiffy.

Women in the test were then given six t-shirts. Three of them were from men who had similar MHC genes and the other three from men whose MHC’s were very different from theirs.

The results showed that the women were more attracted to the scent of the guys who had different MHC genes from their own.

The interesting thing is that women taking the birth control pill, which makes the body think it’s pregnant, preferred the scent of men who had similar MHC genes to their own.

Some scientists reckon that this is because a pregnant woman doesn’t want attract men to mate with during pregnancy, but are more drawn to men/women who are family members i.e. with similar gene-induced odours!  This has something to do with protection and care for the family.

This research suggests that attraction isn’t just some unexplained ‘love at first sight’ thing, but rather the immune system doing what’s best for the future progeny - going for a guy or girl whose genes combined with his or her own will give their kids a stronger immune system.

Of course in humans it’s not just a matter of whether he  or she smells right, because there are other factors that determine whom we fancy or not.

Have you noticed how some couples look like each other? Think about this. Most of us hold a physical attraction template based on the features of our opposite sex parent.  If we look like the opposite sex parent, then chances are we’ll end up with a mate who looks like us.

If we look like the same sex parent but very dissimilar to our opposite sex parent, and we’re attracted to someone who looks like our opposite sex parent that person may look quite different from us!  So nature has provided us with a simple formula for attraction

He or she’s gotta smell ‘right’ and have some of the features of our mum or dad.

Now that’s all well and good for primitive beings who don’t care about personality traits or social status.    These things are important to evolved human beings.     That’s where the problems start.

Those whiffy genes are pretty powerful and combined with the ‘attraction template’ they are going to kick off a huge surge of ‘lust hormones’. Our body produces these hormones to make us want to have sex.  This is  determined by the programming in our DNA that says ‘REPRODUCE’.

The ‘lust hormones’ are so strong that they often override every ounce of common sense. While our bodies are overflowing with desire, our brains are unable to make rational decisions.  That’s why it’s called love sickness!
So when those long term couples who claim to have fallen in love at first sight claim ‘I just knew’, they didn’t. Their genes knew they’d make strong kids with that person and they’d been programmed to fancy the way that person looks.   It’s pure chance that on top of the genetic and physical compatibility, they also have matched personalities.

And of course we NEVER hear about those couples who had a gene and looks match but didn’t quite work out so we assume that there is a magical syndrome that we call ‘love at first sight’.

Next time you’re irresistibly drawn to someone, tell yourself to wait at least two years before making any major decisions.  It can take anything from up to six months to two years or more the lust hormones to die down and the pink clouds of ‘perfection’ to fade away.

Give your brain an opportunity to check out all the stuff that we should be aware of before committing ourselves to marriage, buying a home or worse still making babies.

Failed ‘Popstar’, Kelli Young recently announced she wants to join the mile high club. She’s confessed to being a fan of having sex in ‘funny places’   Kelli’s  not the only one.  Somewhere-else sex is a very popular pastime with the good and literate citizens of Aberdeen.  There’s been so much shagging going on in the loos of the Aberdeen Central Library that the council have been forced to install alarms that sound off when more than one person enters a cubicle at a time.

Despite the somewhat unsavoury connotations, ladies loos have long been a favourite spot for a bit of illicit rumpy pumpy.   The loo isn’t exactly designed for comfortable copulation but it definitely encourages positional creativity!

Shagging in unusual locations has much to recommend it.    In addition to the pure sexual thrill you get from doing it, you’ll most definitely feel a buzz when thinking about it beforehand and an enormous surge of excitement when you suggest it to your lover and sense them getting turned on!   It doesn’t stop there!

Days, months or even years later you can instantly revive your lover’s lust with a few key words that bring back those juicy memories.   AND as an added bonus,  it’s a great topic for discussion at a girls night out or even a dinner party  [Well it is at the kind of dinner parties I get invited to!].

“Where’s the strangest place you’ve ever had sex’ really gets the conversation going.

I’d advise waiting till some alcohol has been consumed by all before asking this one!

Somewhere-else sex is an adventure, it’s different and has an element of risk that gets both our adrenalin and our sex hormones pumping .  We are drawn to it in the same way many people indulge in adventure sports like snowboarding, surfing, motorcycle racing and skydiving.

If you want to feel those hormones pumping and kick-start your sex life into action, be prepared to embrace variety, change and to take advantage of the unexpected.  It’s too easy to fall into routines and always do it in bed or on holiday and if you’re really daring, on the living room sofa.

Try taking a few risks [not health risks I emphasise].Think about which illicit location you’d choose .   It could be in the open air, or shut in a closet.  Maybe you fancy it on a beach or in the woods [Warning! put something on the ground!! After a session in the woods during the summer, I emerged with a big smile on my face but 12 rather painful insect bites on my bum].

You might be tempted to a quick one in your neighbour’s garden shed or plump for a bunk up in Harrods’ furniture department.  Aeroplane loos are popular [unless you can afford first class in which case you get to do it on reclining beds under fluffy blankets!]  The choice of location is limited only by the size of your imagination.   When you start to focus on it, you’ll find yourself coming up with all sorts of wild ideas.

Happy somewhere-else sex!