Attract Your Perfect Relationship

Archive for the ‘relationships’ Category

You see, I actually forgot how persuasive a certain very simple flirting 
strategy can be — to increase the responsiveness of potential flirting
subjects/partners.

For years now, I’ve been studying influence, flirting, & persuasion 
skills for so long — I learned that overall — the more influential &
 powerful I became with the technology of NLP (Neuro Linguistic
Programming), the less indirect and the less covertly influential I had 
to be — to invoke the same powerful emotions — easily & naturally.

If you still don’t know what NLP is, check out this link http://www.altfeld.com/mastery/geninfo/new.html

As a result of developing myself with these skills over time, I’ve re
lied less & less on “tactics” and moved more towards being real with 
people — that is, being real ***WITH*** these skills honed sharp, as 
opposed to “being real” but socially uninformed, unrefined & unaware.

This distinction is Very, Very Important. 

Being real does have countless advantages.

Being other-than-real with
 people will often be detected, even amongst the people least aware of
technologies such as NLP. 

And still, using certain strategies when the situations call for it –
on top of being real — has many other useful advantages.

I think I’ll 
keep reminding myself of this from now on.

Last year I  visited Sydney Australia to run a weekend seminar
(”Linguistic Wizardry”), and during the evenings before the seminar, one
 of my Aussie associates had set up a few social evening outings for me
– in which I would meet up with several other NLP enthusiasts, and, for
 want of a better term, show off a bit….Go out flirting, essentially.

 And what I wanted to set up was — I wanted to run some “cold-reading”
techniques, whereby in a scant few minutes, I’d learn so much about
another person, they get the impression I’m either amazingly naturally
 insightful — or psychic. And no, I don’t think I’m psychic.

If you’ve been on one of my lists for a while, you’ve heard me mention
 handwriting analysis before as one of the great ways to lead into
 NLP-based flirting, because nearly everyone can do handwriting without
 explanation, whereas NLP takes way too long to explain to people who 
don’t know anything about it.

The interim result is usually to get an audience of 1 or more highly
 responsive people. Then often — depending on the environment — this
 can lead to a line of people waiting to learn more about themselves.
 Which gives me open opportunities to flirt as I do my thing.

Well, I planned to have the guys I was meeting — find women they wanted 
to test me with. Our first real opportunity of the evening was while we
 were seated outside at a large restaurant/bar in North Sydney (the Oaks
in Neutral Bay, for any readers local to Sydney!). Near our table,
there was a group of three people. Two women, and one man. I had 
planned to have our group invite the ladies over to test me with
 handwriting analysis. In point of fact, there was no “testing” to be
 done, as I already know how accurate it can be; it was more to create
 opportunities to use NLP while flirting with them, and demonstrate the 
fun that can be created for all parties.

So one of our guys got up & started towards their table. Then another of 
the guys in my group — who was the first to admit how pushy he could be
 in some flirting situations — said to the fellow who’d stood up,

“Go for the guy. Don’t ask the women.”

I heard a bell ring somewhere inside my head — with immediate
 recognition of the power of the strategy. I knew it would work. And I
was laughing out loud because somehow, I’d forgotten how powerful it
 could be; I’d discarded it without any clear reason — from my common 
behavior.

So after the first guy stood up, and the 2nd guy gave his 
instructions, I added:

”Don’t just not ask the women. 
Instead, completely ignore them for now.”

The aim was to have the guys at our table invite the guy from the table
 of 3 — to test my handwriting analysis (i.e., personality cold-reading) 
skills. And to completely ignore the women. The aim was to create a 
response inside their minds of intrigue & curiosity. And build inside 
their minds — the desire to have it done for them too.

So the guy at that table initially declined the suggestion! But guess 
what: The women at his table — convinced him to do it!  2 minutes 
later, he came over to get his handwriting done. And while I began to 
do the reading, one of our guys got the women to come over to judge how 
accurate I was.

Now they were part of what was going on — but
 still NOT the center of any of the men’s attention. For want of a
 better description — that created a “void” of attention that they were
 used to getting from groups of men.

My aim, in spite of this process/strategy — was to create a fun time 
for everyone. I had no ulterior motives. I believe that
 less-than-positive ulterior motives will bleed through in our
 unconscious behavior & communication, so had I not had good intentions 
for everyone, the strategy would have been experienced more as a 
deceptive tactic. Not useful. And not related to what I was doing.

 Anyhow, without fail, this strategy led rapidly to the girls asking to 
have their handwriting done. And that led to us finding out a LOT about
 the other group. We found out that one of the women was the guy’s 
sister, and the other was his girlfriend. We found out a lot about all
 three of them.

Often, people will volunteer incredibly personal 
information about themselves — because within just a couple of minutes, 
we’re not strangers at all anymore — I’d know more about them than most
 of their acquaintances would know. And of course, everyone had a great 
time.

Afterwards, I thought about this a bit further. I think it would work 
similarly for both genders. I.e., let’s say you’re a guy out with a
 group of other guys, and you see a group of women out with a smaller
 group of men. Apart from obvious clues, sometimes figuring out who’s
 with whom — and who’s available, can be tricky.

One of the best ways
 to connect up with people in that other group, is to find a way to get 
rapport with the *guys* in that other group, in a way that creates 
curiosity & interest within the ladies in that group. That may seem
 counter-intuitive to what you’re really interested in — but it may be
 one of the fastest routes towards getting rapport with those women — in
 a way that doesn’t offend any of the guys they’re with.

Conversely — let’s say you’re a woman out for a night on the town with
 the girls, and you see a group of people, mostly men, with a few women 
amongst them. First of all, chances are you’re going to be able to read
 what’s going on from the body language better than men would, but let’s
 say you don’t know entirely who’s with whom, and you want to step into
 that group setting somehow. Why not first gain some social acceptance 
from the women first, thereby putting yourself more closely into the
 awareness of the men in that group. Let things develop first by 
involving the women in the group. Then, perhaps once you’re more
 closely involved in talking with the women there — you’ll learn better
 which of the men may fancy you — or — which of them *you* fancy the 
most.

So — once again I’ll sheepishly remind myself of the value of strategic
tactics used for GOOD purposes. Sometimes it’s worth remembering they 
can & do have power.

Perhaps you’ve done something along these lines before, and are reminded
 as I write — how useful they might be?

Or perhaps this is new to you
?

If you have questions about how I (& the guys I went out with) did this
– or perhaps I’m not explaining the process well enough for your
 tastes, drop me an email or post a reply below. I’ll take it to another level for you, and
 help you make something like this strategy work more easily for you.

Happy flirting, flirtopians!

Like me you can probably reel off a list of people that you would label charismatic.  Michael Parkinson has it and so does Paul Newman.  JFK had it in bucketloads and he  abused it and poor old George Dubbya needs an army to help him find it while his old pal Tony Blair does a mediocre job of pretending to have it.

Martin Luther King had it - his speeches still make the hairs on my arm stand up on end  - and Adolf Hitler proves that it’s possible to be charismatic and a thoroughly bad egg as well.

And just for the record I define charisma as  magnetic attraction.

Seduction gurus appear to have it on the surface whilst Professor Richard Wiseman has plenty of advice on how to have it

• General: Open body posture, hands away from face when talking, stand up straight, relax, hands apart with palms forwards or upwards
• To an individual: Let people know they matter and you enjoy being around them, develop a genuine smile, nod when they talk, briefly touch them on the upper arm, and maintain eye contact
• To a group: Be comfortable as leader, move around to appear enthusiastic, lean slightly forward and look at all parts of the group
• Message: Move beyond status quo and make a difference, be controversial, new, simple to understand, counter-intuitive
• Speech: Be clear, fluent, forceful and articulate, evoke imagery, use an upbeat tempo, occasionally slow for tension or emphasis.

And much as I respect Dr Wiseman for his sterling research on luck, I’m afraid his advice here is all about doing - which automatically begs the question ‘How do I do that’ and opens the door for a host of eager beaver NLP’ers to dive in and tell us that all we have to do is to elicit a charismatic person’s strategy and we’ll get it.

And I just don’t believe it!

There’s a lot of fancy stuff taught in the name of charisma including the idea of modelling what charismatic people do and what I’ve noticed building in popularity over the years is this idea that there’s a quick fix solution that will turn dull nerds into charismatic seducers in one weekend.

There’s a book which has been a massive seller for years and its title sums  up everything that is wrong about this self help business  ‘How To Make Anyone Fall in Love with You.    I bought it and I’m still waiting for Brad Pitt to call.   It’s a well crafted book with loads of things to do but it still gives the idea that there’s something to be doing to get instant charisma.  And my publishers tell me this is a title that really sells.   Me, I think books, mine included, are just openers that point people in the direction of self exploration.

A girl who’d attended  - amongst many other courses  - an NLP Master Practitioner called me the other day and said ‘I want you to help me ‘crack it’.  She wanted to be able to be ‘in a happy state all the time’ I told her ’sorry, can’t be done’

People are desperate to believe the illusion that life is microwaveable and can be changed in an instant.  My experience tells me otherwise.  There ain’t no formula for instant charisma.

I’ve been working with people individually and in groups for years now under the guise of teaching them how to be attractive and charismatic and I’ve been very careful to state that ‘at the end of this course you will BEGIN TO BE more able to…because I know that it’s not really about being more confident or more sociable or stopping the voices in your head or making pictures of being charismatic.  It’s simply about being and playing and having the experience.

I believe we all have charismatic potential deep in the centre of who we are and that for some the pathway is relatively clear and open requiring a little weeding and cutting back of undergrowth whilst  for others it requires a massive excavation job before we see a glimmer of potential.

Charisma in the positive sense [i.e. I'm not incuding Adolf in this]
seems to arise from a person being completely who they are and a facility to radiate themselves in such a way that others are captivated and ultimately willing to follow them to the ends of the earth.

I don’t think we learn charisma, I think we create the space for it to emerge.

The closest I’ve come to this is the work I’ve done with Joseph Riggio which focuses on teaching people how to shift somatically, NOT intellectually, into a state of being their very best, in the zone and connects them to a sense of being connected to the world of which they are a part.  People get to experience themselves like this in their body.  I also believe that charismatic people have a natural facility to tune into other people and just be with them.

When a person taps into themselves in this way they can’t help but radiate something that touches others literally.    They are sending out the vibes of who they are and it’s very delicious. I’ve seen moments of it in people who on first appearance would not merit the label ‘charismatic’. I’ve seen apparently dull boring men and women send out sparks of pure sexual energy that in that moment are almost irresistible.

And from those little sparks fires slowly build and warm over time creating a structural well formedness wherein charisma can flourish.   And it always comes from being not doing.

And when we can learn to be and to think and do nothing I think charisma arises naturally like the sun from behind the mountains.
I’m still learning to be in this experience more and to travel inside myself and just be with me.  And what I’ve noticed is that thereare more and more periods in my life and in particular when I’m running a workshop where stuff just seems to materialise and it’s great stuff.  Like that I am charismatic.

You too have the potential when you learn to make the space for it to emerge.

Failed ‘Popstar’, Kelli Young recently announced she wants to join the mile high club. She’s confessed to being a fan of having sex in ‘funny places’   Kelli’s  not the only one.  Somewhere-else sex is a very popular pastime with the good and literate citizens of Aberdeen.  There’s been so much shagging going on in the loos of the Aberdeen Central Library that the council have been forced to install alarms that sound off when more than one person enters a cubicle at a time.

Despite the somewhat unsavoury connotations, ladies loos have long been a favourite spot for a bit of illicit rumpy pumpy.   The loo isn’t exactly designed for comfortable copulation but it definitely encourages positional creativity!

Shagging in unusual locations has much to recommend it.    In addition to the pure sexual thrill you get from doing it, you’ll most definitely feel a buzz when thinking about it beforehand and an enormous surge of excitement when you suggest it to your lover and sense them getting turned on!   It doesn’t stop there!

Days, months or even years later you can instantly revive your lover’s lust with a few key words that bring back those juicy memories.   AND as an added bonus,  it’s a great topic for discussion at a girls night out or even a dinner party  [Well it is at the kind of dinner parties I get invited to!].

“Where’s the strangest place you’ve ever had sex’ really gets the conversation going.

I’d advise waiting till some alcohol has been consumed by all before asking this one!

Somewhere-else sex is an adventure, it’s different and has an element of risk that gets both our adrenalin and our sex hormones pumping .  We are drawn to it in the same way many people indulge in adventure sports like snowboarding, surfing, motorcycle racing and skydiving.

If you want to feel those hormones pumping and kick-start your sex life into action, be prepared to embrace variety, change and to take advantage of the unexpected.  It’s too easy to fall into routines and always do it in bed or on holiday and if you’re really daring, on the living room sofa.

Try taking a few risks [not health risks I emphasise].Think about which illicit location you’d choose .   It could be in the open air, or shut in a closet.  Maybe you fancy it on a beach or in the woods [Warning! put something on the ground!! After a session in the woods during the summer, I emerged with a big smile on my face but 12 rather painful insect bites on my bum].

You might be tempted to a quick one in your neighbour’s garden shed or plump for a bunk up in Harrods’ furniture department.  Aeroplane loos are popular [unless you can afford first class in which case you get to do it on reclining beds under fluffy blankets!]  The choice of location is limited only by the size of your imagination.   When you start to focus on it, you’ll find yourself coming up with all sorts of wild ideas.

Happy somewhere-else sex!

Simon is 35 and  has been divorced for 2 years.  He’s ready for a new relationship but he hasn’t a clue how or where to start and by his own admission, his flirting skills are pretty rusty.
Liz is 42 and has carved  out a great career but it has been at the expense of developing a loving and lasting relationship. Most of her friends are married and she hasn’t had a relationship for three years.  Liz wants to find a man before it’s too late.

Liz and Simon are typical of the people who come to the Flirting Academy for help either via private coaching or by attending a flirting playshop, and like many before them they got more than they anticipated!

What is flirting?

You’ve probably got some frivolous associations attached to the word flirting.  Flirting is not a bad thing, or something you shouldn’t do.    I believe that flirting is a natural skill of human interaction that is an essential part of finding and developing romantic, social and professional relationships.
Read the rest of this entry »