Attract Your Perfect Relationship

Archive for the ‘Law of Attracton’ Category

What if I told you that every relationship you attract is perfect even if it seems like a nightmare to you at the time.  When I say this to most of my clients, they do a double take.  

If all this sounds like one big paradox, then it’s probably because, like me, you were sold the illusion of what perfection is.  

I’m not suggesting you can’t meet someone really gorgeous who fulfils all the requirements on your Attraction Plan.   That is a total possibility AND it depends on how self-aware, self-correcting and evolved you are.     I am saying that the Law of Attraction isn’t quite as straightforward as some have professed.

Most of us have not yet ‘ascended’ to that place where life or anything else in it is perfect.   That’s because perfection is not some state you strive for, it’s in your attitude.  And I know, it’s not easy to just change an attitude that doesn’t work.   It’s often taken years of programming to put it in. That’s why coaches exist.  That’s why people pay to go on self awareness programs.  

Attitude is all

My friend Kayla , a down to earth, laugh a minute gal.   When breast cancer struck her at 32, she told me she looked down at her breast and said  ‘Well matey, you’ve obviously got some message for me.. .what is it?’ 

Instead of labelling this illness as a tragedy, she saw it as an opportunity to evaluate her life and make some changes.  

Filter, Sort and Label- how we create the illusion of ‘reality’

Humans are masters at creating illusion.  We are set up with a sort and filter system that specifices what data we take in and how we organize and label it.  The criteria for what we sort and filter are determined by the beliefs and values that have been insinuated into us from birth and evolved throughout our life.   As you can imagine, we miss a helluva lot of data like this.

So, life happens and our sort and filter system goes into action, followed swiftly by the labelling mechanism.  At the labelling stage we decide , based on a tiny selection of data and a set of mostly skewed belief systems, whether an event is good or bad.

Alicia lived with a violent partner for ten years before she found the courage to leave him and take refuge in a shelter.   Alicia’s upbringing and genetic make up were such that she had grown up to be submissive, eager to please and fearful of strong men.    Her self esteem was at zero.   Enter her former partner like a bee to the nectar sniffing out her weaknesses.   

This was a totally perfect relationship for Alicia.   Later looking back she was able to relabel the relationship.  She told me that the relationship was a catlyst that forced her out of her weakness and stirred up enough strength in her to take charge and take action in her life.     She relabelled from  being a ‘nightmare’ to a powerful  life learning experience

How the Attraction Plan works

Fortunately, with enough self awareness and willingness to evolve, we don’t all have to go through an experience like Alicias to realize what we really want and need.

Attraction planning is not making a wish, saying affirmations and waking up to find Prince or Princess Charming has arrived on your doorstep.  Attraction planning is a very powerful self awareness tool and prompt for change which helps you tune into more of who you are and replaces mixed signals with clear beacons of light.

When you begin to use strategic attraction planning, all kinds of things are revealed to you about you.  Part of the role of an attraction coach is to help you question youself and your desires throughout the process.    Your self awareness is heightened and you begin to home in on the personal qualities that you want to refine.  

Doing the attraction process also serves as a clarity beacon on dates.  Instead of jumping in because one of the qualities you want is predominant, your awareness is focused on your overall needs and thus you become more observant and you make much more considered, less impulsive decisions.  

In my experience, most of the clients I work with on their Attraction Plan have all kinds of imaginary demands and deal breakers which actually limit their choices.  Many people discover through coaching that their desires are either highly materially based or excessively emotionally needy. 

By working through it with a relationship or attraction coach, they learn to evaluate what they think they want and zone in on what is truly important.  They also learn where they are looking for someone to fill in the gaps that they need to fill in themselves.   

A change of sort can reap miracles

A friend of mine called me recently to share the tale of her new romance.  Love her as I do, I have watched her over the years constantly sorting for what I call the  ‘padded wallet’.   Looks weren’t anywhere near as important as the size of his money clip.    I watched and waited for it was not my place to coach her.

She was the kind of girl who had men buying her $500 shoes on a first date without having to do so much as kiss them.       She got exactly what she wanted to attract at the time - rich men who were prepared to empty their wallets because she was just so damned sexy.

I stood by and watched it unfold, seeing her attracting all kinds of very rich but highly unsuitable men, never allowing to surface the true depth of connection and vulnerability that I knew existed in her.    

Hallelujah! I’ve seen the light

Last week she shared with me her epiphany.   ‘Peta’, she said, ‘you won’t believe this.  I’m dating a guy with long hair who works as a carpenter and I went camping with him’.    It was difficult to imagine this of a woman who would have previously had a man lay down his cashmere overcoat for her to walk on before allowing a drop of mud to touch her precious pradas.  

She went on to say ‘You know I used to sort for finance, but something happened and I started to sort for the feeling’.    She’d been so bent on finding a rich man that she had cut off her intuitive feeling sensations.    

Sometimes we just don’t know what’s good for us.  Sometimes we just have to have the experience of a seemingly less than perfect relationship to realize what we really want.  All our relationships are perfect because they are simply small steps on our journey to evolving sufficiently to attracting a deeply satisfying intimate relationship.

How does Attraction Planning help?

When you begin to work on your attraction plan, keep this in mind.  As you write out your ‘wish list’ take the time to go inside and check on your intuitive feelings.  Ask yourself is this really what I want and am I asking for this because I feel personally lacking in this area? Ask youreslf  ‘will this really fulfill me in the deepest sense’

Question Yourself

The great thing about going through the Attract Your Perfect Relationship program is that instead of just writing down a wish list, you are encouraged at every turn to question and refine what you think you want.   And it doesn’t stop at a ‘what you want from them’ wish list.

And as you move through the four steps, you will find yourself evaluating just how worthy you are of what you want.  And you will learn what has to happen for you to attract this. And it will most likely require you to let go of certain personality traits that no longer serve you.

Mirror Mirror

Everything you attract will reflect where you are on your personal evolution timeline.    Be grateful for it, learn from it and let go of what doesn’t serve you.   NEVER ever say ‘if only, I’d done x, y or z’   This is a complete waste of time.  You have NO idea what would have happened if you’d married that guy or not spent ten years with the other.   

One client of mine used to constantly imagine how much better his life would have been if he’d got a degree instead of studying bookeeping.   I told him ‘you could have gone to college, walked across a road to meet the woman of your dreams and been run over by a truck’. 

We cannot know what life will bring us and there is only one thing we can be certain of.  Life has a way of highlighting all our fears and weaknesses.    We have the choice to learn the lesson swiftly or undergo repetitive relationship patterns until we get it.  

You will also be encouraged to reflect on the past week and consider what came up for you, what you noticed about what you’re attracting from the attitude of a store clerk to noticing people looking at you differently.    You learn to read the signs more accurately.

The Attract Your Perfect Relationship program is designed to help you bypass lots of the pain by focusing on what you really need and want and above all, what has to happen for you to attract that kind of bounty.

Check out our 4-part 6 hour attraction program and start attracting now!

with love
peta

NLP Articles Dating Strategies 101 - An Update on the last Post

Making sense of it all - in a more NLP like way…

When we like someone and we are interested in them, after we spend time with them we need to process it    Sometimes we talk to our friends and analyse what’s going on.   And sometimes we write in a diary.  And sometimes we just let it go round and round in our head.  And it can get muddled up.

Some things can become more important than they need to be.    Keeping a mental file or making a map about what’s going on is to help you clarify things you noticed and your reactions to them as well as your own thoughts.

After an  encounter with a new  person it can be quite useful to review your impressions and get clear on your feelings I’m going to give you some pointers on the data you might want to collect and we’re going to concentrate on having you gauge this by your feelings not just what’s in your head!      Feel  free to add in your own avenues of enquiry.

Reviewing the encounter
We all ‘label’ feelings with words like ‘anger’ ‘happiness’ ‘ecstacy’ ‘irritation’ but I want you to uncover the physical sensations that go on in your body that prompt you to apply a particular label.

As you answer the questions ‘How do you know’, remember the answer is NOT in your head.  The knowing is in your body.  Most people might say something like ‘I just do’ or ‘I feel it’.  The answer I want you to find, which will help you get into your body is another question ‘what differences are you noticing in sensations in your body and where are they located and how do they feel’   You might I answer ‘I know I like them because I get this tingly feeling just in my heart area, and it kind of spreads to my arms’.

If on a date, what was your first impression and your leaving one.?  If it changed what happened?

Do you like this person?
What is it about them that you like
Can you talk to them?
How do you know?
Are you attracted to them?
How do you know?
Are there any serious values clashes?
How do you know? What are they?
If you were on a date, were you making decisions very early on? What were they based on?
What do you want to happen next?
What has to happen for that to happen?
What might be stopping you?
What did you learn about yourself?

And be sure when you’re filling in this information to awry of the assumptions you might be making
Assumptions and Judgements
As you think about what they said and how the evening went, you will have formed some thoughts and opinions. And I’m willing to bet that some of these fall into the category of assumption or judgement.

Have you judged them about anything?   What evidence did you have?  Is it enough to convict them?  Do they deserve another chance?
What have you assumed from their words, actions or lack of words or actions?
On what evidence do you base these assumptions?

It might be useful to think ‘innocent until proven guilty’. And if you are worried about something, follow it up, find out more.  Sometimes we can be very hasty.

Just check yourself from time to time and recognise what you do. Awareness is half way to curing it.
What did you reveal?
What roles might you have been playing? Were you repeating any of your patterns.
How real were you being?  Give yourself marks out of 10 with 10 for being totally yourself and 1 where you were putting on a big act.
Was there something you wanted to ask but didn’t?

Did  you play any games? Some people pretend they are really interested in something when they’re not? You hate football but you look at them and coo I LOVE football .  What happens when they invite you to a game?

If you did hold back on some things, what would you like to reveal next time either to this person or someone else?

You’ve met someone who seems to be a good match and fit so far.   You have embarked on the relationship journey.  You are on a voyage of discovery not just of someone else, but also of yourself.  And you want to make it work.  Don’t you.

And no matter how madly in love you are, life keeps on coming at you. And this is when we most need the skills of  communicating, creating and maintaining our relation-ships.    And you’ll find it even easier to weather the storms and sail through into calmer waters after you’ve read the articles on communicating and relating – putting it into action.

Self-Awareness: How Do You Communicate?

How do you rate yourself as a communicator?

Are you effective, powerful and attractive or is there room for improvement?

The questions below are intended to make you think about how you communicate, what you communicate and how well you appear to be understood and where some improvement is required! As you read them through, pay attention to those scenarios that seem to leap out from the page. Notice how your body reacts and what thoughts you generate.

First of all, take a quick trip down memory lane to your schooldays.

• Were you ever asked to read out loud or perform to the class?
• Was it torture or did you enjoy it or was it somewhere in between?
• Did the teacher ever praise you or tell you off in front of the class?

Just notice whether this brings back unpleasant or pleasant feelings and then let them go and come back to the present.

Have you ever had a conversation where you felt that you were really in tune with the other person and they were in tune with you?

• What were they doing?
• What were you doing?

Have you ever had times when you felt as if you were having a big communication clash with someone?

• What is it that they said or did that didn’t work for you?
• What might you have been doing differently from them?

Are people rapt when you are talking or do you notice their attention wandering?

Do you find yourself regularly being asked to explain what you mean?

Do people respond to you in a way that leads you to believe they haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about? And more to the point, are you noticing this?

Do you sometimes find it difficult to speak up?

When you think about public speaking, do you:

• Get that sinking feeling and start to shake. It’s your greatest fear.
• Feel nervous because you’re not as good as you’d like to be in front of a group.
• Get excited because you love it.

What would it be like to stand up in front of a group and talk in such a way that you hold their attention and make them laugh and afterwards people come up to you and say, ‘That was great’?

When you are in a group, do you find yourself leading conversations or are you waiting for someone else to lead you?

When you talk to other people, do you sometimes think to yourself, ‘That’s not what I meant to say’?

When someone else is talking, are you hearing all of what they’re saying or are you analysing, making judgements or planning what you want to say in return?

How does it affect you when you make a statement and someone gives back a distorted analysis of it? Are you sometimes guilty of this yourself?

Has anyone ever said to you, ‘Listen to me!’ or ‘You’re not listening!’?

Do you tailor your conversation to suit the person you’re talking to or do you think, ‘Take me as you find me’?

Do you find it easy to persuade people to do things? How would you like more of that on tap?

Are there words or phrases that you use to excess?

Are you a fast talker or do you tend to speak … more … sloooowly?

Do you find it easier to converse with someone who puts in lots of detail or someone who paints a big picture?

When you start a conversation with someone new, do you put aside thoughts of how you might impress them and instead concentrate on finding out about them?
Now say ‘Yippee!’ because whatever ‘failings’ you think you have discovered, are going to be potent opportunities for you to develop into a charismatic communicator. And as a charismatic communicator you’ll find it easy to:

• develop and maintain a positive attitude towards yourself and others
• know what you want and expect the best
• make others feel comfortable, safe and relaxed with you
• get others to open out to you
• pay close attention
• gather information
• use the information to communicate in a way that’s personally compelling to people

In my Charismatic Communication 101 series, I’m give you some great insights and tips to get you started.

We give away clues to our emotions by the way we refer to the body in our spoken language. Our language is rich in ‘bodywords’. Being aware of these words and how we use them helps us to get in touch with our body as a living expressive changing entity.
As you read through the following list of phrases, focus your mind on the parts of the body that are mentioned and notice what sensations and thoughts come up for you.

The Face

On the face of it. Think about your face and the faces of people you know. The face is first place we check out when we are interacting with someone. We often use the word ‘face’ to speak about the outward appearance of things. This suggests that although the face is the first place we look, we are aware that there is more.

Putting on a brave face. How often do you put on a face and what kind of faces do you put on? When we put on faces, we are hiding our true feelings behind a mask. This fools very few people, although many people choose to accept things ‘at face value’.

Losing face. This is a term we use to denote a blow to our self-esteem. When you lose face, your face literally lets go, drops and acts out a flood of emotions. You are no longer ‘putting on a face’. What would happen if you were strong enough to ‘face up to things’ instead?

Keep your chin up. We say this to encourage people, to boost their spirits when times are hard. When the chin drops and quivers it’s often a sign that someone is about to cry.

If looks could kill. We can manipulate our face so that it sends out a flood of nasty emotions to someone. Often we do it unconsciously! What kind of looks do you send out? What might you achieve by monitoring how your feelings are affecting the ‘looks’ you give yout  making a conscious effort to send out loving looks more often?

The Neck and Shoulders

Sticking your neck out. This refers to taking risks. When someone sticks their neck out they are moving forward and exposing their face. It is both vulnerable and powerful. How often do you take risks and what do you lose by not sticking out your neck sometimes? Is your neck held stiffly in your shoulders?

Shouldering responsibility. If your shoulders slump forwards it might be because you have too much going on in your life and it’s overwhelming you. If they are tense, maybe you’re trying too hard to hold back the tide.

Swallowing your words. How often do you swallow your words? When you feel a lump in your throat, you are literally being choked by words unsaid or emotions unexpressed.

The Heart

Our language is full of expressions involving the word ‘heart’. We think of our heart as the core of our being.

My heart sank. We get feelings in our heart when we are confronted by severe disappointment or anxiety.

My heart isn’t in it. When this is the case you are doing something that isn’t in harmony with who you are. Notice when your heart isn’t in things and how that affects you. Maybe the feeling is telling you to place your heart somewhere else, where it can beat more freely.

To lose your heart. When someone falls in love they often feel as if they no longer have control over their heart because someone else has it.

To break a heart. This is the sense of your heart being cut off from the world when you have been hurt.

To open your heart. Attractive people have the ability to open their hearts to send and receive love freely. This is one of the most powerful qualities you can develop..
To become more aware of your body and how it talks, start by noticing bodywords when they come into a conversation.

While we are busy using bodywords, our body is equally busy shaping itself in relation to our emotions. Learning to understand how your emotions affect your body is vital if you are to realign yourself to move and interact in a more attractive way.

Apparently it pays to be selective when you are speed dating.  I found the following report today.  What is important when going out on the ‘hunt’ or to speed dating events or any social gathering where you might meet someone new, is to KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

When you complete your attraction plan and have a great sense of what you do and don’t want, your intuitive knowing will kick off in the right direction.

“New research at Northwestern University indicates speed daters who attempt to show interest in every partner they encounter during their session may be doing themselves a disservice. Social psychologist Eli Finkel explains…

FINKEL: I think it is fair to say that if you come off as somebody who likes everybody, you’re going to be disliked. But, it seems like there’s some certain magic that happens between people on occasion where they’re able to convey you are extra special.

Finkel says the results contrast with previous studies regarding non-romantic social interaction.

FINKEL: What those previous results show is that both selectively liking somebody is desirable, and also liking everybody is desirable. After all, who doesn’t like the guy that likes everybody, or the gal that likes everybody? In a romantic context you like everybody you come off as a little bit desperate or unselective and that’s bad.

Finkel offers advice to get the most out of a speed dating experience…

FINKEL: One of the things you’d want to do is go in with an open mind. Try your best to put your best foot forward. You might even want to practice a little bit in advance. What are some interesting, kind of exciting things about me? How can I be responsive and attentive to the people I’m going to meet?

What are good ways in that amount of time to help bring about the best in the other person, help bring out the best in myself? And, I think to the degree that you think about that stuff a little bit in advance and then try not to get to nervous and just enjoy yourself, I think the odds are high that you’re going to have a good experience.

Graduate student Paul Eastwick worked with Finkel on the study. He explains some of the predictors of liking someone after a speed date…

EASTWICK: We do find that in fact physical attractiveness is one of the bigger predictors of your liking for somebody after that speed date, but there are a few amazing things that we found as well.

Basically people have pretty good intuitions and pretty good consensus about many other traits as well, about how fun and exciting you seem, or how friendly you seem, or even how ambitious you are.

You’d really be surprised in four minutes how much you can size up about a person and how good an impression that you could get of them and then hopefully they would help you decide whether or not that’s somebody that you might want to know better as a romantic partner”

From NorthWestern University News